Sailor Moon Crystal – episode 13 – review and recap

OK, I totally expected this episode to be the last of the Dark Kingdom story, as per the manga, which ends the arc and introduces ChibiUsa in chapter 13, but „Crystal” decided to draw it out for another two weeks, so we will still have to wait until episode 14 to see the conclusion.

Episode 13 largely re-visits some of the beats of the previous fights. We pick up right after Usagi apparently killed Mamoru and committed suicide. Queen Metallia swallows both of them together with the Silver Crystal (sorry, I mean, „The Legendary Silver Crystal”). „Usagi! No!” yells Luna, the bravest cat in the world, as she fearlessly attacks Queen Metallia. Seriously, whoever writes Crystal must be a big cat lover, because Luna has been getting more moments of character development and bravery than any of the non-Usagi human girls. Then Luna weeps, shedding big sad tears from her big kitty eyes. I was touched. Crystal Luna is kind of awesome, can we make the show be about her?

Then the following happens:

Senshi, speaking in sequence, one after the other as if they were on cue: Oh, no! Usagi! Our Princess! We must do something! Sailor Planet attack!

Queen Metallia: Muhahaha! Blargh Blargh and other monster sounds! (rejects attack)

Senshi, defeated, fallen to the floor: Oh no! Our attack doesn’t do anything!

Nadia: Duh. Your attacks haven’t done absolutely anything to anybody this whole show, girls.

Queen Metallia: Now I will spread my evil power all over the world! (spreads evil power over the world)

Random person turned into a zombie by the evil power: Blargh blargh monster sounds! (attacks another person)

Nadia: This is starting to look a bit like „The Walking Dead”.

Senshi, speaking in sequence again: Wait! We need to save Usagi, even though by all accounts we just saw her kill herself! She has always been nice to us and told us that we were pretty! (In a reversed version of the finale from the 90’s anime, Ghost Usagi reaches out her hand to them. The girls forfeit their transformation power for the sake of One Super Strong Attack against Metallia. It does Nothing.)

Senshi: Our attack did nothing!

Nadia: Duh.

Meanwhile, inside Queen Metallia:

Usagi: I’m alive! How come I’m alive? Oh wait, Mamoru’s watch was in the way when I tried to stab myself. But if I didn’t stab myself, why was I unconscious and dead-like for the first half of the episode?
Metallia shows Usagi some of the Earth people turned into Walking Dead zombies making monster sounds. Usagi’s masterfully animated face shows mild dissapointment.

Usagi: Legendary Silver Crystal, help me!

Usagi and Mamoru escape Queen Metallia’s body. Mamoru wakes up.

Mamoru: Oh, wait, I’m not dead either.

Mamoru (drops some bling from his jacket): I guess this is why I wasn’t dead. This stuff was in the way when *I* was stabbed. (The ghosts of Jadeite, Kunzite &co appear.)

Jadeite and the others: It was us who protected you and now we are also going to reveal Metallia’s weak spot and solve this fight, basically undermining the whole point of the „Sailor Moon” franchise, which is that strong girls don’t need men to save them. It’s also a line in the Crystal opening song, for what it’s worth.

Usagi: (attacks Metallia with the Legendary Silver Crystal) Take that, Metallia!

Metallia: Blargh blargh monster sounds!

Usagi: Oh no! She is strong! I am weak! I will be defeated!

Mamoru: If you are defeated, I’ll save you and stuff, because we need to undermine the point of „Sailor Moon” some more.

And that’s it, kids! Cliffhanger! It ends here, with the denouement of this arc, and the last of my reviews for „Crystal”, to come in two weeks time.